Where Have I Been?

Well, I must say it has been a little too long since my last post - BUT - with semi-good reason! Since my last post I have been on one of the biggest learning curves of my life. Back in October I shared about the fact that I FINALLY landed my permanent position in my teaching career. A lot has happened since then, A LOT!

I've come to conquer something that I never dreamed that I could...and I'm grateful I did. To be honest, when I accepted my role as Grade 8 Teacher - I was completely and entirely TERRIFIED! ME? Teach 13 and 14 year old beings?! Who the heck is letting this happen? I! I'm like some child whisperer for 6 year olds...and even though I was smiling and happy to accept a contract no matter the grade level - I was hiding behind so much fear of failure. I spent the first month in basically what felt like a tornado of emotion. Learning how to connect with these students was beyond my scope. "Okay friends show me you're ready..." and "hands to yourself" didn't quite cut it!

With each attempt to be positive, upbeat and fun - students were staring at me like I had 5 heads, an unforeseen growth on my face and literally they were looking for ways to make me crumble! Who could blame them though? These kids are 9 years in and tired of the teacher changes, my particular group had already had 3 teachers in two months...like they were going to buy in to me...

Each day I would search for ways to connect with these students, to show them that I genuinely cared about their well-being and future. I was completely exhausted. Teaching little ones is natural for me teaching older ones is not. Above all the struggles though, I have found a place to connect with these students naturally too. It didn't come without a deep level of soul searching, self love though.

What I've come to realize over the last 6 months of my teaching and learning journey, is that this is a really important stage in the game for these students. And that means, as an educator, we have a chance to positively support this stage through being a safe space for these students to confide, share, learn, grow and be. Yup, they have NO idea who they are yet, but they are learning...and so, they need to just...be...

After a couple months of what felt like I was going crazy to show these kids I cared, they started to come around. I had to be a strong, confident version of myself that I didn't always see come out my daily life. I had to be vulnerable but firm and consistent. These students need someone to relate to, someone to tell them that all their hormonal changes are O-K! They need to be guided to embrace them and not think that every mistake is the end of the world. Most importantly, they need someone to listen to them and gently show them that they have choices...

Once I took a step back from their harsh language, lack of inhibition and testing boundaries in behaviour I was able to see some pretty magnificent people. People who are craving structure, guidance, and learning but just can't admit it because of all of the outside pressures from peers, media, home, changing.

This last year has pushed me SOOOOO far out of my comfort zone, and I found I actually enjoy teaching older students, in fact it motivated me to work REALLY hard to provide the best possible experience for them. It didn't come without some tears to friends, questioning of the universe and learning to trust the process of life no matter what you are presented with.

Do I see myself staying here? Let's just say...I'm grateful for the lessons, glad I've found clarity and super excited to head back to Grade One...a place that is kind of like home to me...where my heart is...Will I ever go back? Perhaps, one day...but for now I will enjoy the next two months in Grade 8 and hopefully create a positive change for these students that they can carry with them through the good and bad times.

So much to feel grateful for!

For Thanksgiving this year I have so much to be thankful for. About a week ago one my lifelong dreams came true. It was just a few months ago that I wrote a post about not needing that paper that says I can teach full time. Well, the time has come...and I have been granted that paper! Let me tell you about the whole process.

Every school year has a reorganization process. "Reorg" as we call it. Well, when that happens, numbers are juggled and students are officially placed into their class for the school year. At this time we find out where we need extra teachers and sometimes alternatively lose teachers. Occasional Teachers, like me (well previously occasional now) get to apply to all of the new positions available. Well, not ALL, we are limited to 10 applications. Reluctantly, I applied to 10. I say reluctantly because I was literally giving up my dreams of becoming a teacher. I started to wonder if I was on the right path or not.

So, you can imagine how surprised I was when I received the first invite to an interview! I was over the moon excited, not at all worried about the interview. I was literally smiling from ear to ear! Then half an hour later when I got invited to another interview - well, let's just say I was happier than over the moon. Is that possible?

I've worked pretty hard over the couple of years to do my best in my teaching practice and let me tell you, did this ever pay off! During my first interview, I literally surprised myself. Despite all of my ego's attempts to muster up fear, I just wasn't nervous at all. Instead I focused on sharing my light, talent and desire to be the best that I can be. I left feeling like I didn't leave anything out, I totally nailed it! This was for a Grade 5 position, a grade I've taught before.

My second interview was for a Grade 8 position, something I haven't explicitly taught BUT it involves a rotary program where I will mostly teach Drama/Dance to Grade 7/8 students - OKAY - dream come true...how do I insert a million hearts here?! Even though teaching D/D is a dream come true, I was incredibly nervous for this one...but I went in and did my best...ironically though, I nailed that one too!!!

The waiting game, luckily the board wants these jobs filled ASAP so I didn't have to wait long. Interviewed Wednesday and Thursday and I was called on Friday. Guess what?! I was offered BOTH jobs! Phew!!! Finally some sort of confirmation that I'm on the right path in life. Which one did I choose? Grade 8 of course...after all, I teach dance, I have a summer camp that involves dance, LOVE dancing and most people know me as a little quirky girl with a zillion accents - british, australian, etc...I'll be the best drama teacher...hahaha

I splurged on an iPad as a reward!

I can't explain the amount of comfort, calm and ease that washed over me once I accepted a full time teaching position. It was an instant reward for the years of hard work I've put in. Not to mention the incredible high of totally rocking both of my chances at permanent. In fact, both principals told me I have amazing interview skills and the position I turned down was sad to lose me. At the risk of sounding conceded - yay me!

To go further here, I met my new teaching team on Friday and it's like I fit right in, they were so welcoming and I'm looking forward to getting to know them, teaching my students and the constant paycheques 12 months a year! lol

Okay, that was a mouthful of gratitude, my heart is definitely happy. BUT I have more to be thankful for! Yesterday I got to spend time with my family. I am so grateful for all of my family, I'm proud of them and feel lucky to have them! Even though distance stands in the way, we found a way to meet and make the most of this wonderful holiday weekend.

My sweet little niece Abbigail

My sister, niece, and brother

Oh and not to forget those friends who share in the excitement of your dreams coming true, feeling so grateful for those friends who understand how long of a journey this has been for me. Feeling grateful for those who made this a special event and showered me with kind words and support. I don't know what I would do without you :)

An angel of caring and lucky bamboo

Math is SCARY!

Alright, time to make a little confession here. I'm terrified of teaching math. I teach it. I try my best. BUT I worry that I'm not doing the best job all the time. When I was growing up this was the most difficult subject for me to learn and I remember my brain hurting A LOT!!! Phew, feels good to admit that out in the open.

Giving my best to teaching is something so important to me, so when I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't giving the best to my teaching when I was ignoring my fear of math I knew something needed to change! What did I do? Well, I signed up to take an Additional Qualification course in Mathematics for the Primary/Junior level learners. And was it ever the right choice! I'm one week in and I already feel more confident. I've met other people who experience some of the same feelings surrounding math. I've also learned a bit more about myself and how NOT scary math is...boy is that a relief!!!

I am a creative thinker and everything but a mathematical thinker. At first this made me really nervous to enter a course with people who were probably really MATH SMART....however, some sort of magic led me to the right course, where I got to meet a colleague/professional who is also a creative thinker BUT she is also a math thinker...does this give me hope or what?!

This week has been a reminder for me. A reminder that we do the best we can with what we know and where we are. As long as we strive to do better than our best we are doing a big favour to ourselves and students!!! I can already tell that this course will make me a better teacher and person...

If I could figure out how to upload my first powerpoint presentation that I created for my course to share I would...instead I will share a link on how math and our emotions connect...we have to take care of us before we are in a state of mind to learn...Heart Math

5 Pics that make me smile...

 So, I decided to join in on a link up this week to share 5 pics that make me smile...the past 4 weeks have been pretty busy with back to school (I know this word "busy" seems to be a pattern in my posts - maybe I need to evaluate some things). It was really nice to wake up this morning and not have anything to do - except get a hair cut and enjoy a trip to the farmer's market! Mmm fresh baked goodness and fresh produce from local farms! When I came home I noticed that my good friend Shaunacey had shared this link up and I thought - yeah I'd like to look through my pics and find some that bring a smile to my face, and share them!

This is a flower one of my students gave me at the end of the last school year. It pretty much sums up my blog and I was incredibly grateful for this gift of appreciation. It brought a smile to my face the day she gave it to me and it still brings a smile to my face!

Here's a picture of me thinking my groove moves are so cool. Just your average day in Brooklyn ;)

Clearly I'm sharing my expertise on solving crime with Spiderman!

Ahhh the joys of allowing an 8 year old to doll you up!

Hair and makeup...I'll share her number if you ever need to be pampered...lol

My sweet little niece, how could you not smile at such a beautiful angel!

Looking back at pictures makes you think about people, moments and special memories...and sometimes it causes you to feel gratitude or makes you want to pick up the phone and connect with people that make you SMILE...seems like a nice start to my Saturday!

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" - George Eliot

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
                                                                                                    - George Eliot

I came across this quote the week before school started. It is so powerful and thought provoking.  When I read the quote, it made me think about all the ways that I extend and help others. It also made me think about the amount of people that I know that spend WAY too much time thinking about themselves and way to LITTLE time thinking about how to help others or how they might be impacting the life of another both positively and negatively. This needs to change.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't take care of ourselves - my blog is about taking care of yourself...what I am saying is, we need to constantly recognize the light in one another and we need to understand that life is abundant and there is enough for everyone. There is no need to be intimated by what others have and what others are. We all hold beauty in our being, there is no need to compete for it. Beauty shows up in all of us in unique ways, we need to celebrate that for ourselves and for each other.

And sometimes, just sometimes - we need to remind one another that we each hold beauty...because sometimes we forget and need someone to lead us back in the right direction.

Don't ever forget...

                                                                                          ...and so is everyone else.

This quote also made me think about where I could work on this, and how could I make things less difficult for both the people in my life and the ones I meet along the way...at the risk of sounding conceded I think I do this naturally, I'm always looking for ways to help others. Can one do this too often? Hmmm...perhaps in my case that might be true, except it's something ingrained in me and I believe I can't help it. I've tried to not be as helpful or caring...it backfires and makes me feel awful. And so, I find myself extending a helping hand before I even realize what I am doing...the part that I am challenged by is the lack of people in the world who are like this...while I respect that we all show up differently I can't help but wish that people were just a little nicer. And sometimes it feels like I don't know many people who try to help make life less difficult for me when I am going through a tough time. Maybe people do try to make life a little less difficult for me. It's just I just don't see this showing up in my world all to often. This makes me wonder whether it is happening and I'm not open to receiving it or if what I'm noticing is actually a truth...perhaps I need to practice being open to the same amount of help as I give out. Meditation time? I think so...

I'll leave you with this...how are you making life less difficult for others? What are you doing to increase the joy and success in your life by lifting others up? Are you doing it enough? Could you do it more? Are you receiving and not giving? Are you giving and not receiving? Where can you work to hold balance in this idea of working to help others and humbly accepting the help of another without fear of judgment...

Back to School: Behind the Scenes

Many people have been preparing over the last week for back to school...Parents are getting all the gear ready for the hustle and bustle to begin, while teachers are getting the rooms and supplies ready for all the little munchkins. While I recognize that most parents respect and have some idea how much work goes in on the teachers behalf, I'm not sure they fully understand the amount of preparation that goes in on our behalf - it's A LOT!

For the last 3 years (I've been a teacher for 6, yet only teaching for 3 - whole other story) I have spent so much time and energy setting up a new classroom. This isn't just including the material things, like the bins for workbooks, table bins with supplies, it's so much more. I want my room to be inviting for the children, so here is a glimpse at all that it takes for me to prepare: climbing up a ladder to put up bulletin board paper and borders in those hard to reach places - this is physically exhausting when done alone (which is almost always the case), rearranging desks (sometimes including the table height), shelves, organizing books, materials, writing out the poem of the week, posting inviting posters around the walls, etc.

It is so important to me to create a space for learning that is inviting for my students - it needs to be calm yet stimulating in just the right way, it needs to provoke creativity and a desire to learn, it needs to make them feel safe and respected. For me, it takes some mental preparation and I usually rearrange the furniture about 100 times before it's just right for the year. It's like classroom feng shui. My classroom is made up of colours of purple, blue and green - my three favourite colours...not actually allowed to have 3 according to most children...but I like to bend the rules ;)
Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out during the process of setting up my class and perhaps I shed a few tears of exhaustion but in the end it feels good - because of "the moment".

The moment when...those little faces see their classroom, their desk, when they soak up the excitement for another year - it's totally worth all of the effort that I put in. It really is amazing to see the children become so excited for a new classroom and eager to learn. The back to school buzz is pretty awesome.

Back to the 'behind the scenes' part of this blog...the amount of work that goes in on the teachers behalf is pretty much endless...Besides setting up my classroom, preparing notebooks, name cards, pencil bins, etc. I've spent about 2 hours a day over the long weekend getting some things ready for the first week. I've made play-doh, a little treat for the teachers, first day activities, day plans, I've laminated, I've gathered, I've meditated on just the right welcoming for my little ones this year, I've worked on a calendar, I've gone supply shopping, and literally dotted my i's and crossed my t's with all that I can think of. Will it be enough? It never is in teaching. There is always something to do, plan, prepare...it's the nature of the job. Do I love it? Bottom line - yes I do - I even get excited about back to school and planning for my students. Is it hard work? You bet it is...Will I sleep tonight? Probably not...I'll be playing over the day in my mind and stressing over whether I've forgotten something.

So for all you parents out there who have excited little children tonight...know that the teachers are excited too...we won't sleep well either, and I hope you respect that. We won't sleep because we are preparing for how best we can care for your children this school year...how we can transform their lives and bring magic to life ;)

Wishing all you little ones and your families a happy first week of school!!!

This Baby...

On January 6th, 2014 the sweetest baby was born into my family. My sister, whom I love dearly had her first baby, a little girl named Abbigail Jane...most of my colleagues were waking up on the 6th to head back to school after the Christmas break. When I woke up to get ready for work I received a call from my brother-in-law letting me know that my sister was in labour...it was go time!

My family and I drove through quite the snow storm with great anticipation to meet the little peanut! Okay, so I know that the arrival of a new baby has beauty and all sorts of good feelings for most families, but this was beyond a normal level of beauty for our family than you can imagine. Both of my parents are only children, whose parents passed away before we were all born. This meant, we didn't really have grandparents. My mom was raised by her Aunt who became our 'Nanny' and someone we loved very much...so I'd say, I got to experience some of what it was like to have a grandparent but our family has been small and baby Abbigail means our family was getting bigger...

Growing up, it was pretty much just the 5 of us...with a lot of great friends surrounding us, it was great! When I got the news that our family would grow with my brother in law, I was ecstatic! However, when I got the news that our family would grow with a new baby - I was beyond grateful, happy, excited...every possible positive word you can think of...insert here...lol

Abbigail is now 7 months old, and because my sister lives so far away we haven't seen her as much as we would like. This makes our visits so much more meaningful in a way. From the moment I met her I knew she was special, it's just now that she is a bit older she is more interactive and engaging. She has a smile and giggle that can light up a room! She is a pretty happy baby with a very nice demeanour. Her smile is instantly contagious! While she was spending a week with us we brought her to her very first Jays game, the little cutie lasted almost the whole 19 inning game. That's right...the Jays decided to stretch out the game and really develop Abbigail's love for the sport...thankfully they won at the end of it all...

Abbigail smiling away!

Little Abbigail loved the crowd...she loved the clapping and the energy of the people...it was really neat to see her so interested and happy about it all. (I think she has good taste in sports) She was really well behaved and quite the trooper even after we left the game...we stayed until the 16th inning and then had to leave given the concessions closed at the bottom of the 7th inning...we were slightly hungry. Abbigail was an angel through dinner, the subway and finally zonked out in the car...actually she may have out lasted her Auntie...lol

Essentially, my point is..I'm absolutely in love with this baby. She has brought so much light into our family, the world and I'm so lucky to call her my niece. I am excited to see her develop and help her learn and grow...and what is also really great about this baby is that she has a pretty awesome Mommy...I never saw how loving my sister was until she became a Mom, and let me tell you...she is such a good one. She loves Abbigail so much and is gentle, kind, caring, giving, receiving all the greatness that comes with being a Mommy. (she has a pretty awesome Daddy too) I'm so excited to watch them grow as a family and I'm beyond excited to watch Abbigail develop into a little lady and can't wait for her to start talking!!!

Abbigail and Auntie Becca

Abbigail and Mommy

Kids make life pretty awesome...especially when they are apart of your family <3